Chapter Text
When I open my eyes, I’m in the space again… the dark void. I see her, but she’s different this time… faded. She drags me to my core and points. I stare at the two orbs sinking into each other. The straight line now zigzags slowly spreading into each other's half. I stare at her, and she keeps her eyes on the core.
It’s silent for some time before she puts her hand on the core and tells me to do the same with a motion. It’s like she’s trying to force them apart… but she doesn’t succeed. “You put our life on the line to force this. I could have lent you small enough drips to make a negligible difference, but instead of hiding, you went for him… I didn’t take control… that would have ruined everything we wanted.
Our first life… was meaningless. You remember your life… school… friends… the trauma we still managed to pile up… we wanted to mean something to somebody… to be loved… so we got a second chance… but things are different… When mom didn’t make it back that night to take us with her to… paradise… when I realized we were two, not one… when I found our split core… when I realized our birth was different… We were punished for breaking the laws of life. The further you go… the further from a happy ending for yourself you get. You’ve put a target on your back…”
I stare at myself, tears streaming down her face. “This was the destined course… we wanted to change things for ourselves… we won’t get to be happy, because they will see a monster. You can't win every battle. Things have to balance one way or another.”
“What… am I?” I whisper, staring at her, and she weeps as we watch the halves cling closer and closer.
Just when I’m sure they would combine, they stop and slide back slightly. “Open your eyes and figure that out.” She retains that monotone voice as I am pushed out.
I jolted awake, gasping for air. I roll over and cough… blood slips from my mouth. Small hands help me sit up. I keep my eyes shut and press my hands there. I can still see… or sense rather… “Shinobu… how bad… are they… okay?”
“It took a long while for everybody to wake up and start recovery, but nothing debilitating and no slayer died.” She’s soft with her words as she takes my pulse. I open my eyes slowly, sensitive to the light. I wince shutting them again. “Let me draw the curtains. You have been out for nearly three weeks. You’re bound to be sensitive to bright lights. 18 days… You worried Rengoku, Giyu, and poor Uzui thought himself responsible for your nearly dead state. Honestly, I’m not sure how you lived. Your will is something else Y/n.” I swallow as she pulls the curtain. I open my eyes slowly again, and everything hits me. Nausea overtakes me, and I shut my eyes. I swallow the bile and open my eyes again.
I finally got used to the vibrancy of the world around me… the light surrounding Shinobu. I flinch at the wide eyes she stares at me with. “Oh gods… what?” I mumble, and she rushes to hand me a mirror. Both eyes are bound in gold slit down the center. “I overused my technique…” I blame it on that…
“Can you see?” She stares at the change, and I nod…
Hesitantly, I set the mirror down. “Better than I could… I guess I'm gonna need sunglasses added to my uniform… it's like they are stuck…” I mumble and she nods heading out of the room.
I head back to sleep, but startle awake to the door opening. God, everything is heightened, more present than before. I'm noticing things I never would have before. I glance at the door to see Kyojuro. His eyes… There are dark circles under them. “I was told you were awake… dinner?” He sits by my bedside and I smile.
It isn’t what Ihad hoped, but… it’s the thought. “Yeah… I haven't eaten all day…” I see where he stares and I avert my gaze. “I… can still see… they’re just stuck in Rigel… it doesn’t hurt.” His hand cups my cheek, and he turns my head to look into my eyes.
He shakes his head with a smile. “It’s quite alright! They are pretty!” I wince at his tone so close, and he pauses. He sets the tray in front of me, taking his plate. “It is not what I had in mind, so perhaps we could go somewhere when you are recovered?”
I nod and reach out for the rice balls. I bring it up to my mouth, and while I am starving… while I devour the food like a starved animal, it is… bland. I do not dare to say a word though. When I finish, I pause. “Umai.” I hum and glee crosses his face. “I...” My throat closes before I can speak… I look away… “Have you spoken to Tanjiro?” He nods.
“Yes, I have! He would not stop talking about you though! Even Uzui will not stop talking about how ‘flashy’ you were. Careful! He may seek you as a fourth wife!” He is blunt, but his dislike of the last part is more than obvious.
I laugh and roll my eyes. “I suppose nearly dying gets you the talk of town award…” I swallow and he nods messing with my hair.
Standing up, he collects my plate. “I was told that you need plenty of rest! So please get some rest!” I nod and slither down the pillows to lie down.
“Um… Kyojuro…” He looks at me with a small hm… “Thank you… for visiting me…” I must have fallen asleep almost right after he left…
The young child sits crying in her sister's arms holding a cat… the cat feels cold. “Aya… Aya why is my friend cold?” She could not be more than ten.
Ayaka sets the child down, her hands shaking as she takes the dead cat from her younger sister. “N/n… it’s okay… you didn’t mean it… I didn’t feed you… I didn’t keep an eye on you… I’m so sorry… I know today was stressful. I know you didn’t like the big scary man who came into our house… I know… I know… but I have to marry so I can care for you and Rin… I’m so sorry.” She tries not to sob, but the older sister tosses the cat out the window to be buried later. She picks the child up and brings her to the bathroom. She grabs a cloth and starts wiping the child's face. “Why did she have to leave that night… God, why did she need to get herself killed, leaving me with you both?” Ayaka mutters tears slipping down her cheeks in steady rivers. “Say ah.”
“Ahhh” A small bristle brush comes up to her mouth and scrubs…blood comes from between her teeth.“Tickles…” The tiny child giggles.
Nodding, Ayaka pats her little sister on the head. “Yeah… tickles.” She pulls strands offur from the child's teeth, before changing her into clean, unblooded clothes. “Hurt anywhere?”
“Kitty scratch here see?” Holding up her arm, the small child sniffled. Ayaka wrapped the shallow cut in bandages, before carrying the child to the kitchen. She cut up a meat bun and handed it to her. The child ate with wine.“No flavor.”
“I know…”
The images fade, and she’s in the clearing where she’d woken up that fateful day. Opening her eyes, she... no, not her, but some deeper part of herself... clicks her tongue. “I’m not supposed to do this… Aya would scold me… tell me we have to move again...” The voice is deeper and full of anger. “But you killed them…” Lunges and twirls go around before the sword pins the demon to the grass. “Die slow and in pain.” She reaches to her side and keels over, rolling onto her back… She looks to be in pain as if remembering a great painful memory… or perhaps… recalling a lifetime and forgetting another.
Jolting awake, I shake and then curl back into a ball… I feel sick… but moving is too much, so I hold myself. What had I just recalled? What was all of that? What was wrong with this body? Questions swirl around in my head, and I only prove to feel more nauseous with each passing question. I sit up in bed after some time and shake my head. I decide I can leave all the questions buried and ignore the memories for now. I would rather focus on getting back to 100%. I have to rest well and stretch so I can be ready for the swordsmith village mission. Though I am not concerned about it at all.So long as nothing changes,it goes fine.
I eventually fall asleep again and wake up to the sun in my room. It hurts to look… It's so bright. I squint my eyes and find a pair of sunglasses. I wonder if Shinobu left them for me. I shrug and put them on. It’s not perfect, but I can at least keep my eyes open. I should probably get them checked out more thoroughly later. This doesn’t seem exactly normal, but it’s fine like this for now. I only need my vision at night, and it’s probably at its best beneath the shadows.
If anybody asks, I can blame my breathing style. I can’t explain what happened myself, but that’s all I'd be willing to share. Everything in the entertainment district happened so fast… annoyingly fast. Sitting here, I can only truly process the moments in whispers of the severity. We couldn’t have been fighting longer than an hour, and yet in the moment, it felt like hours.
I’m able to get up and walk around that afternoon after being cleared for the most part. I was told to take it easy and was not released to do any kind of training that involved moving about too much. I still find myself heading to my usual spot. I lean against crutches. I shouldn’t have gotten so injured. If I had been more careful, I could be training. I could be focused. “Staring isn’t going to do anything.” It’s Giyu’s voice that shifts over the open surroundings.
I turn around to see him. He looks over at me and sighs. Maybe it's a relief that I don’t seem to be crippled or dead. “I can still hope my body heals faster, so I can get back to training.”
“Rest would do that.” He still speaks to me very little and keeps his distance, but it’s not as far. It doesn’t feel like there are worlds between us. I feel as if I can almost see him across the creator he puts between us. I know his story, andwhy he isolates himself. When Tanjiro gets to him during the training arc, I'll make sure to get closer to him as well.
I hobble my way over to him and shrug. “I needed some air… to get up and walk around a little.” I smile, finding a bench to sit on and stare at the sky, the grass… I watch nature and find some sort of peace in it.
I glance at Giyu, who remains as unmoving as a marble statue. “Did you eat today?” He doesn’t look at me when he asks the question.
With a light smile, I shake my head. “Not yet.” I shrug. He makes a small motion with his head, a half-nod sort of thing. I snicker to myself at the motion. It’s cute how he’s asking me to join him, but keeps the distance between us present and clear. I rise and follow him, laggingbehindas I support myself on the crutch. I hate it, but I do need to lean on it for support.
Our walk is in silence, as is the process of getting food. He’s not one for words, but I will never mind that. It is simply who he is as a person. One day he will be able to talk more… one day. But, that is far from being today. I would never rush to change that. Healing is a process after all. There is a process one so heavily traumatized has to go through.
We found a nice place in the shade to eat, and I am grateful for it. It’s a rather warm day out, and there isn’t a heavy breeze to cool you off. The shade is the only respite we can get from the sun. I take my chopsticks and take a bite of my udon. I pause, staring at the food. I should have asked for more seasoning, I suppose. It’s a littlebland. “Something wrong?” Giyu looks at me from the corner of his eyes. A sparkle of concern in his cold gaze.
Startled, I look at Giyu, who is enjoying some chopped salmon. “Huh, Oh uh not really. I just didn’t get enough seasoning. It’s still good though.” I smile lightly, and he goes back to his food. Though, before I can get another bite of mine, he takes a bite and tilts his head.
I stare in disbelief. I almost pushed the sunglasses up to make sure I wasn’t just seeing things. “Tastes fine… do you feel okay?” He fishes another piece of salmon into his mouth after he speaks, and I simply stare at him.
There are two things wrong with this current scenario. Both of these are very clear to anybody who knows this isolated and cold man. A, he’s stolen food. B, he’s initiating conversation… and he’s asking if I’m alright. Shaking my head to clear my head, I smile and nod. “I like heavy seasoning. I’m feeling fine. A lot better than I was a bit ago. I'm probably just sifting through the aftereffects of everything. I mean, I had some pretty dangerous injuries, so things are bound to be a little odd for a bit.” I keep an eye on him from the corner of my eye. if he tries to take any more food, I will slap his hand away. It's my food and I am really hungry.
He nodded and focused back on eating without another word about the subject. I wasn't sure if he noticed my discomfort or if he merely had no more interest in pursuing answers. He doesn't talk for any longer nor bring up anything else to talk about.
We simply enjoy one another's company as we eat and relax. “I never got to thank you for helping me train. I don’t think things would have gone our way in the entertainment district had you not helped me practice for hours on end.” I smile, looking directly at him, hoping I can get across exactly how thankful I am for his help. He didn’t have to keep drilling me for hours after our allotted time. He didn’t have to help me fix every small detail… he didn’t have to do any of it. And yet... he still did. He offered out a hand to help me.
He pauses, staring at me, before he quickly looks away. “It was nothing.” He responds as short and sweet as ever. I can’t help but snicker and roll my eyes.
“You are way too humble, ya know. You’re a lot more talented than you give yourself credit for. You were helpful. You deserve to at least take the credit for things.” I smile, setting my empty box of food to the side as I watch him softly. He’s certainly pretty, it’s a lot different than what I was used to coming from in the show and manga. Somehow he looks brighter… suppose it’s a lot less easy to joke about how depressed and emo he seems when you get to know him, when he’s real. Real… all that pain, the survivor's guilt… it strikes my heart hard. He’s been struggling since he was little with all of that pain. I want to reach out and tell him it’s okay… that his sister and Sabito would have wanted him to live on, to be what they could not… to continue the legacy.
He tenses up and I think I may have said something wrong, but he relaxes and nods. “Maybe…” it’s more than I thought I was going to get with him, so I take it as a win. We stand up and he glances back at me. “What happened with your last mission?”
I pause, trying to sift through the events that tangle in myhead,and keep straight on the things I would not have known if I didn't have my outside knowledge. “Well, we had no clue it would be upper moon six. We figured it would be some small demon. I thought since they sent a hashira maybe a lower moon at most.” I go on to explain the events in mild detail. I told him about the dangers, andhow close I thought we were to dying. I tell him of the difficulties we faced, the challenges, and how frustrating it was to go after two heads.
He nods without saying a word, but sometimes I get the feeling he prefers it that way. He likeswhenI talk and fill the space without expecting him to carry onconversationwith me. I have no issue with it. I’ve found that I can talk on and on without needing very many cues. At least I can do that around him. I am comfortable going from one topic to another simply because something I said reminded me of something else.
Giyu walks with meall the wayback to the infirmary, where I climb back into the bed and lean back against the headboard. I watch him leave. He pauses in the doorway as if he were going to say something, before he slips out again. I flash him a smile that he won’t see, but he still deserves. In silence again, I go back to wondering about everything. All of the little things that have been adding up. I’ve changed two major events and perhaps some minor things as well.
Eventually, there will be noticeable shifts in the way this goes about. It’s just… I haven’t exactly figured out what those things would be. Could big points in the plot change because of two people? I can’t figure things out…
If nothing changes, then would Rengoku have a second face-off against Akaza? This time with help from Giyu and Tanjiro? What about Shinobu? She’s impossible to help, isn’t she? She wants revenge so badly on Douma that she’s willing to use her own body to do so. What if that didn’t have to happen?
There has to be some sort of way to help her… to save everybody. My biggest concerns are Shinobu, the fight against Muzan himself, and Kokushibu. I don’t want to see everybody die before my eyes. I don’t want to die either.
“You look deep in thought.” I jolted towards Shinobu. “I heard you went for a little walk. Is your strength returning? How are your eyes?” She walks to my bed and takes my pulse and temperature. “Everything seems normal at the moment.”
I smile, leaning back with a small nod. “I did, Giyu, and I got some lunch. My vision is about the same, still seriously sensitive to the light.” It’s permanent. I already figured that out myself. She doesn’t have to say it.
She sighs, nodding her head. “You should be more cautious from here on out.”
I heed her warning and give her two thumbs up. “Promise I will be careful and keep from pushing myself too far.” I can try to rescue her. I just want… to help her… to help everybody. I’ve succeeded thus far. “Everybody else is doing okay, I presume?”
“Uzui is already out on another mission. Thetroubletrio you watch out for is doing alright. Currently doing some stretching and stamina training, but they are all okay. Recovered for the most part as well.” It’s a relief to hear from her. Of course, I knew they would be fine, but… knowing they are real makes it so much easier to worry about them. I could know they would be fine, and still see them injured to the brink of death, and be worried something could go wrong last minute. I don’t want to lose anybody.
She leaves after running her checkup, and I lay staring at the ceiling as the sun sets and the night overtakes the day.
I drift off to mark another day spent in recovery over with. Though, it wasn’t an unpleasant day.
No, it was far from that. It was a nice, relaxing day. I enjoyed my time well.
